fateandfortune | Just two vampires, traveling the galaxy... [For Todd the Wraith]

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Just two vampires, traveling the galaxy... [For Todd the Wraith]

[continued from here]

It was a pleasant surprise to glance over and see Todd asleep on the bed, relaxed and peaceful. He can't have gotten much quality rest the night before propped up in the chair as he had been, certainly not when he'd been woken by her nightmare. She hoped that didn't happen again tonight, he had important things to take care of tomorrow; she didn't know all of the details, but with a civil war going on between his people, he needed his wits about him.

To that end, Rogue forced herself to stay awake for hours into the night, eating the dinner he'd brought for her and looking through one of the books from the collection he'd shown her before their sparring session. She didn't recognize anything on the pages, but it gave her a topic for conversation with the voices in her head, providing ample entertainment to pass the time. Eventually she fell asleep herself, the book held carefully to her chest as she curled up in the armchair, her boots set on the floor beside it. It was a fairly deep sleep, and she didn't dream for one of the first times in many weeks, something she was eternally grateful for when she awoke.

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It was good that the other hives had started adding to the population. The war had been costly to their numbers from what she'd seen, and now that all of the wraith had taken the gene therapy, there was no reason for them to keep the population so low. It would be best to wait for any booms until they had worked out all the issues with farming and harvesting, but other than that, there were few good reasons not to grow in number.

"I know they're not human children, and that they have different needs and that your society is so different from what I've known, but when I saw them..." Her voice trailed off and she had to collect herself for a moment. "They remind me a bit of the children I taught before. They're younger than most that we saw, but that association is still there for me. And it's both wonderful and... painful."

Todd looked to her and cocked his head, "You may interact with them as much or as little as you like" he said "However, we should work on your ability and relearning how to switch it off" he said. If she happened to touch one of the young ones, it would be devastating. She'd likely kill them or at least send them into a coma like her first encounter.

He set her stew and water in front of her, putting the biscuits in a small basket and setting them in front of them before joining her.

Rogue stared at the bowl of steaming food in front of her, but her mind was a million miles away, remembering how she had lost control of her ability. She worried her lower lip with her teeth and fidgeting in her seat, then finally closed her eyes and shook her head slightly.

"I won't be going near them until I have complete control," she assured him in a voice so quiet it was almost a whisper. "They're too important to risk. I can't be the cause of more... of more children dying."

Todd was glad she'd come to that decision on her own.

For a little while there, he thought she might not want to get her ability under control again. That whatever horrible things they'd done to her made her think she deserved not to feel the touch of another, or live without fear of hurting another.

This decision meant she had a solid goal to reach and thus would be more determined in their training than if she hadn't had one.

He tucked into his dinner, and, to get her mind off dead children, he told her about what happened after they figured out what had happened to her.

They began the gene therapy right away on Victoria. It was jarring and the effects came and went for nearly a month before finally leveling out. The drones were far more difficult, their serum took several more months to perfect. And then once they and the queen were ready for a normal diet, they had to reproduce the serum on massive scales. While the wraith population had dropped in numbers, there were still plenty more of them than there were humans in Pegasus.

They finished distributing the base drug to the males as many already had been inoculated, and then worked through the females. By the time they were all complete, enough of the serum to give out to the drones had been produced.

"The final drones were inoculated after the final hive surrendered. Not bad for not even a decade of work" he said, taking another biscuit.

It wasn't an easy topic to shift away from, but Rogue did her best to follow the new line of conversation, listening attentively while Todd told her about the progress with the gene therapy over the years. She listened and nodded, occasionally asking a brief question, all while very slowly working her way through her meal.

Eating was still something of a chore for her after her captivity. It took real effort to remind herself to take a bite, chew, swallow. All of it felt unnatural even after the days she'd been on Atlantis; three years of mostly being kept alive by intravenous nutrients had changed her in a number of ways. But she needed the calories if she was going to regain a healthy weight, and if she worked at it long enough she knew it would get back to feeling 'normal' eventually.

"I really am in awe of how much you've accomplished in so short a time," she told him with a small smile. "It's hard to believe, with the way things were when I left. It seems like just another part of a dream I had once."

There was still a third of her bowl of stew left to go, but each bite was starting to become harder than the last. "That's what I thought you were, after a while," she admitted suddenly, her train of thought shifting in her weary state. "Everything here - I thought it was all something I dreamed up to help me survive."

"Rest assured that this is no dream." He said, touching her shoulder, even Irving it a slight squeeze to let her know he was solid and real, and getting up to set his empty bowl and glass in the dishwasher. They found the strange device used far less water than they did when they washed an equal amount of used plates and cutlery, so they'd had it installed.

When he saw she was trying to muscle through the last of her stew, he offered to take it. She need not force herself. In fact, in her fairly wasted state, it was best not to.

They even had a dishwasher. So much of the hive was the same, the wraith mostly looked the same, and yet there were those little changes that kept striking her.

She gave Todd a grateful smile and let him take her things. It really was best not to force herself; making herself sick wouldn't do any good for anyone. She watched him move about the kitchen, remembering all those days they'd worked together in the space, longing to have that again... And then there was a hint of something. A possibility. A chance.

Taking a deep, shaking breath, she opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Instead, she lifted her right hand and held it out to him, skin bared and deadly. But if he trusted her enough to touch her, nothing would happen. There would be no pull of energy between them.

She'd soon learn that there were many little changes like the dishwasher around. Though their method for cleaning clothes would still make Whirlpool jealous.

Todd turned to look at her when she went quiet and then she held out her hand to him. He cocked his head a moment, unsure what she wanted, then realized wanted to try touching him.

Any other would hesitate or shy away entirely, instead, he immediately stepped closer and took her hand in his.

She trusted him, and he trusted her too. That knowledge and the feeling of his hand touching hers, they threatened to break down all the walls she'd built up around her emotions. But still she held on, her grip on his hand tightening as still nothing happened with her power. It was just his skin touching hers.

"I've always felt safe with you," she said in a hushed voice, her eyes on their joined hands.

He returned the squeeze to the hand, lifting his other to stroke her hair, which seemed brittle under his fingers thanks to her years imprisoned.

"And I you." He replied. He knew that she'd never intentionally hurt him, and even if her ability had rejected the touch, stressed from her torture days and mistrust, he'd still hold on as long as he could bear.

"Come, you need rest." He said, steering her out of the kitchen and back to his chambers, letting her lean or touch him all she liked.

However, though she might trust him, her ability might still be dangerous to all others, so the training with the queen would still be needed. But he hoped she knew she was wanted and safe here, a big difference compared to the last time she'd worked on shutting off her ability.

It wasn't just that she felt safe from Todd, but that she felt that it was safe for her to be around him. Somehow, the immense fear that she had of hurting others didn't extend to the wraith, because her instinct was that he would be alright. The situation was unlikely to extend to others, though, and she was still terrified of being around the children, especially on her own. There was just too much that could go wrong.

Rogue kept hold of his hand as they walked through the halls, her other hand reaching up to hold onto his arm as well. There was a good deal of effort involved in putting one foot in front of the other, and she was quiet along the way until they reached his chambers.

"I missed you so much," she told him when they were behind closed doors again, and her grip on his hand tightened even more, like she intended to never let go.

The tight grip on his arm didn't bother him and he let her all the way back to his chambers.

He lifted his free hand and stroked her hair again. "I did too." he said.

Nearly six years. Three for her. Neither span of time was much of anything to a Wraith. But for a human, even one like Rogue, three years was an eternity. And for most of it she'd endured one horror after another, wishing she were dead and all the while believing everything that happened here had been a dream.

Todd moved to the bed, guiding her to lay down without breaking their contact and settling beside her.

"Get some rest. I promise to be here when you wake."

The last time she'd felt truly safe and relaxed while sleeping had been in that very bed. All the years that had been had been full of incredibly difficult, trying, and horrifying situations, and when she'd thought back to the place where she most felt at home, it had been in that 'dream world' of his, in his chambers specifically. They were her haven from the world that had turned against her, and to be back there now, with him beside her... it was unbelievable.

But it was real, and he was promising not to leave her, and so she did as he instructed, laying her head down and closing her eyes, staying as close to him as she could get. She was so exhausted that not even two minutes passed before she was deeply asleep.

She wouldn't sleep for long, a few hours at best. The scientists had been on constant rotation and so she had never been allowed a full night's rest. But when she did wake, it would be sudden but not violently, with disorientation but not fear. Her powers would stay safely off because in all those years of torture, never had she had someone touch her in such a kind, even loving way. That sort of touch meant safety now, for her and for him.

Only when he was sure she was asleep did he follow. But sure enough a couple hours later she was awake beside him. If the queen woke in the middle of the night, she was silent in getting up and leaving him be, so it was a little strange to have her wake him like this again.

But he was patient and merely told, or rather reminded her, "Go back to sleep. You're here and you're safe."

Rogue was just grateful that her powers hadn't been triggered - she didn't have the best dreams these days. But she did relax again as she realized he was right.

"It's strange to be in a real bed again," she murmured, shifting a bit to get more comfortable but not moving away from him. "They wouldn't let me have things like blankets; they were always afraid I'd try to kill myself with them."

Todd knew that too well. The Genii wouldn't allow him so much as a bench let alone a blanket, just in case. Atlantis at least had been kinder in that regard, allowing him not only something to sit on, but also were professional and said little if anything to him compared to the Genii who taunted him through the bars whenever they were bored or drunk or both.

He moved to lay on his side, pulling Rogue to spoon against him, allowing him to wrap an arm around her waist and rest his chin above her head.

"Given enough time the feeling of sleeping on the cold floor will fade." he said. It would never go away entirely but as a result, it made one feel lucky for what they had.

The feeling of him wrapped around her just pulled all the tension right out of her body. She was okay here. Nothing bad was going to happen. She was home.

The thought was bittersweet and she felt tears prick at her eyes. "I didn't even get the floor," she told him in a shaky voice. "It was curved, they had to suspend a cot from the side of the wall."

She took a deep, trembling breath and held onto his arm around her. "I was in my old home, Todd. The school where I lived, where I taught. They gutted it and turned into it a lab, and I was there for three years."

For the time being, Todd merely held her and listened. He could only imagine being forced to sleep and endure horrors and torture all within a familiar and once-home. The closest he could relate was being on Atlantis where numerous Wraith had likely been tortured and experimented upon by the Lanteans before finally being allowed death. But even that was a pale comparison.

"You're home." he repeated "Focus on that and let the cruel memories fade so they cause no further pain to you." he advised, remembering how he coped after escaping the Genii. He recalled everything that had been done to him, as she would likely remember those three years for the rest of her days. But time and fellow crew helped him push them to the back of his mind.

"I'm home," she whispered in an echo, reminding herself of that fact. It was important to know, to really feel it, but it couldn't change the memories that haunted her every moment.

"Letting them fade," she continued with a slight shake of her head, "that's not... They made me kill people, Todd. Hundreds of people. And I remember how each one of them felt when it happened."

Tears slipped down her cheeks and she turned her face into the pillow.

"Rogue." he said firmly, but not angrily, touching her shoulder and trying to turn her to look at him. "You have to let them fade. You'll never recover, and probably never re-master your ability without letting the hurt of your experience pass. You can still remember them, and the time you spent back in your world, but you can't have everything in the fore-front of your mind. Punishing yourself by trying to recall their suffering whenever you have a happy or content moment won't do you any good either."

She knew he was right, but it sounded so hard. Impossible, even. Before all of this, she'd had such good control, all things considered. Now, though, she was just barely holding it together.

Rogue let him turn her, but the crying didn't stop. "I don't know that I'm strong enough anymore," she admitted, feeling helpless and small and so very weak.

"No doubt it will take time, but you survived for three years. I'm positive you'll live for many more than that." He said, sitting up and pulling her up as well. "Victoria will likely be able to help during your sessions with her" he said, wiping her streaming cheeks with his hand and letting her curl up to him. "Listen to those within your head. Erik, Charles, Logan, Remy. What are they telling you?"

He knew she relied a lot on them during her tough moments before, reminding her that they were still there and supporting her-as weird as it sounded-would hopefully boost her morale.

She continued to let him maneuver her, too tired to even consider resisting, not that she would have. Leaning against him made her feel a little more at peace than she had been.

"They tell me it's not my fault," she answered him quietly. "That I should live the life I've been given. But they're not as strong anymore either. Sometimes everything else is so strong that it drowns them out."

Todd was at a loss. All he could think of was that perhaps Victoria would be able to surpress those within her head that she didn't have before. Queens do have a mental effect on those on board, and their presence did wonders to a hive that didn't have a queen before. The truth of that was proved with Victoria's arrival. But it was hard to say how much she could help or manipulate Rogue's inner personalities, if any.

He felt that she was too frail to start the lessons yet, but if this was going to be a nightly routine and those like Erik and Remy were blotted out in her head at times, sooner would be better.

"Get some rest, we will talk to Victoria about what she can do for you tomorrow" he assured her

Rogue had tried for months, years, to get back her control over her own mind, but every time she'd gotten close, they'd forced her to absorb new psyches. It had taken all her effort just to stay sane through it all, and the walls she'd constructed were flimsy at best and already starting to crumble. Being on the Hive would likely help with her ability to focus, but anything else... she just didn't know.

But if Victoria could help in any way, it might change everything. Hopefully for the better.

"I'm sorry I came back broken," she said sadly, the words laced with exhaustion. "That you have to deal with this. You don't deserve this."

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