fateandfortune | Just two vampires, traveling the galaxy... [For Todd the Wraith]

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Just two vampires, traveling the galaxy... [For Todd the Wraith]

[continued from here]

It was a pleasant surprise to glance over and see Todd asleep on the bed, relaxed and peaceful. He can't have gotten much quality rest the night before propped up in the chair as he had been, certainly not when he'd been woken by her nightmare. She hoped that didn't happen again tonight, he had important things to take care of tomorrow; she didn't know all of the details, but with a civil war going on between his people, he needed his wits about him.

To that end, Rogue forced herself to stay awake for hours into the night, eating the dinner he'd brought for her and looking through one of the books from the collection he'd shown her before their sparring session. She didn't recognize anything on the pages, but it gave her a topic for conversation with the voices in her head, providing ample entertainment to pass the time. Eventually she fell asleep herself, the book held carefully to her chest as she curled up in the armchair, her boots set on the floor beside it. It was a fairly deep sleep, and she didn't dream for one of the first times in many weeks, something she was eternally grateful for when she awoke.

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It was something Rogue would have to get used to as well, missing pieces of conversations, since if Todd was having trouble with it then the rest of the crew most certainly would. Piecing together what she had missed wasn't too difficult in this circumstance, at least, though as she thought about it she felt the heavy weight of dread settle in her stomach.

Nodding slightly, she glanced from the queen to Todd and back, worrying her lip with her teeth as she tried to find a way to broach a subject that had just occurred to her. With all of this being Todd's idea, she hadn't taken the time to really think things through, and now she was desperately wishing that she had.

"I'm grateful that you're willing to help me," she told the other female, hesitation clear in her words. "I do have a question for you, though, about your own abilities. With your... With your telepathy, how much of my mind would you see? Is it just the surface, just communication and the thoughts that are at the front of everything, or..." She didn't know how to explain what she was worried about, what she needed to know.

"Both" she answered without hesitation. "Unlike male wraith, I can probe a lot deeper into the minds of others, viewing things of recent, and past feelings and events imprinted on the mind" she said. "However, as I won't be interrogating you, its unlikely I'll go deeper than what the commander has in the past, perhaps a bit more if such levels so to speak aren't enough."

She looked to Todd, who'd evidently started to talk to her mentally, remembered he needed to stop that, and repeated what he'd begun to ask aloud. "Can you suppress consciousnesses? She has a number within her that could be done without." he said, referring to the children and even some of the more unsavory ones from times past.

At that, Victoria thought a moment then gave a slight shrug. "I have never tried but I suppose that is in my abilities." she answered, then looked to Rogue again. "If you're fretting about what I might see in your head, you might as well get over it. Whatever Todd knows, I will too in time. Does that answer your question?"

That dread was just burrowing its way further into her as the conversation progressed, until Rogue felt physically ill from it. She didn't know if her expression showed any of what she was feeling; she was trying very hard not to let it, but she was fairly certain that her efforts were failing miserably by the time the queen finished her explanation and answering Todd's question.

Rogue took a deep breath that shook audibly and crossed her arms, almost huddling in on herself. This was supposed to be a good thing, she knew that, and yet she couldn't see past the instinct to protect the both of them - she cared too much about them to put herself first in this case.

Shaking her head, she answered, "That's not what I'm worried about. I don't want to have secrets from you, from either of you, but I can't..." She pressed a hand to her mouth for a moment before moving it to her neck. "I don't want you to see what they did to me. Not after what the both of you have experienced. You don't deserve that."

Edited 2016-04-29 04:29 (UTC)

The two wraith looked to one another then back to Rogue.

Still so compassionate.

The queen spoke after another moment. "Are you perhaps ashamed of what I might see? We're Wraith, Rogue, we are the stuff of nightmares throughout an entire galaxy. You're wrong if we can be so easily shaken by things that can't hurt us." They were memories after all, nothing more.

Rogue shook her head again, but couldn't manage to find her voice.

Stupid. Of course she was thinking like a human and not a wraith; she had no idea how they personally processed things like this, but Todd had certainly intimated long ago that it wasn't the same as it was with her species. How could it be, when their lives were so long? She felt like an idiot child and regretted having said anything.

"You're right," she finally managed, the words quiet was thankfully steady. "I apologize for doubting that."

"Sleep, eat, and spend time with my commander. When he feels you're ready, we shall start our lessons together." Victoria said, turning away and going back to her armchair and her book.

Todd put his arm around Rogue's shoulder and they left the queen's chambers, heading to the kitchens, though paused when they were a little ways from the queen's room, looking to her in silence and allow her to get her bearings.

Sleep, eat, and spend time with Todd. They were easy directions to follow, and yet she was exhausted just thinking of them. Would she ever feel like her old self again? Was there any part of that Rogue still left inside her, or was it all just broken pieces that wouldn't fit back together again?

She looked back at Todd when they stopped, watching him for a moment before giving a small nod. "I'm alright," she assured him. "I think I'm just tired and it's starting to get to me."

Todd regarded her a moment before nodding and they continued on their way to the kitchens.

This morning had been dead, now however there were six others already there in various stages of eating. Three were finishing up at the table, two were making sandwiches, and the last, Kenny, was settling at the table himself with a bowl of soup. All of them looked up when the pair entered and eyes were on Rogue and her new clothes.

"Finally changed out that ugly white thing you came in for a real uniform." said one with a smile.

"You look good" complimented another.

Kenny offered his usual enthusiastic response. A grunt and his focus back on what he was already doing. Though, even the simple noise said he approved.

Todd gave Rogue's shoulder a gentle squeeze and went to the pantry to pull out some ingredients for their dinner.

Rogue wasn't sure that any of them would ever understand just how much their approval meant to her. Even just those few words from the two and that grunt from Kenny (especially that, really) were enough to brighten her spirits considerably. It was easy to give them all a bright smile - she was being reminded that she was home.

"Thank you," she told them all with a nod. "It's certainly more comfortable than what I had before."

There was a moment when she contemplated pulling her gloves out of her pocket and tugging them on before getting any closer to the others, but she managed to remind herself that there was no real need. Wraith weren't the touching sort, not casually or publicly, and she could keep her distance at the table and everyone would be just fine. She didn't need to keep running scared, figuratively or literally - not here on the hive ship.

By the time they sat down with their own food, the group had grown by three. Conversation was fairly typical, as though Rogue had never left. They didn't nose into what happened to her, whatever details Todd felt were necessary had been or would be told to them by him.

However, one was about to ask her what she'd be doing on the hive now that they were pretty much set on how to cook, but Todd caught it in the underling's mind and shut him up before he could utter a word.

Rogue need not have any outside help with her anxiety on her "purpose" on board the hive. For now, her full concentration would be on healing her mind and getting her ability under control, and nothing more.

After that, there were many routes she could take, but he suspected she'd likely want to work with the young ones.

That taste of "normalcy" was exactly what Rogue needed to feel truly at peace with the crew again. They acted as if she had never left, their conversation easy and full of everyday talk rather than pestering her for information on what had happened while she was gone. She wondered at it for a bit, but finally accepted that, as with so many things, they weren't like humans who would never have been able to resist asking her a hundred questions no matter how uncomfortable it made her.

She was a little surprised that none of them brought up her plans for the future, though. That was something they had asked about when she'd first stayed on the hive, but perhaps now she was simply a member of the crew and the rest wasn't as important as it might have once been. Whatever the reason, she was glad for it - she really didn't have a clue on the matter. Yes, she would like to work with the young ones if possible, but she was a teacher of human children and she wouldn't have the first idea of how to help the wraith children in their development.

But maybe she could figure it out.

Toward the end of the meal, there was a short lull in conversation and Rogue couldn't help but express something she'd waited to say since she first saw them all again. "I'm so glad to be back here with all of you," she told them with absolute sincerity, hoping they might be able to understand just how much they meant to her.

Conversations circled mostly around farming and how the drones were holding up. Unfortunately, split second decision making for the big guys was hard, so keeping a few caretakers around was going to be needed when dealing with the animals. Horses, their primary way of getting around the farms, were especially jumpy and required a more gentle hand than what the drones could provide. Many got the feeling that while the darts would eventually become useful scooping up ripe crops, even the cattle herds would need upper-level management full time.

This required tough decision making as most of those on board were seasoned warriors and those genuinely interested in it, were already working on the dart's harvesting capability. Todd, as usual, took a laid back approach and was confident they'd figure it all out eventually.

Rogue had spoken little during dinner so her little blurt had them all look at her. A couple chuffed in acknowledgment, others smiled and nodded. Todd brushed his fingers lightly against her own under the table.

It was indeed wonderful having her back.

It was nice to listen to their talk of farming, to have that connection to what had just been starting when she'd left. They'd come so far with it all, and she was as certain as Todd that they would figure out solutions to their problems in time. They were a resilient bunch, and they hadn't disappointed yet.

Their acknowledgments of her statement brought out a smile, which only brightened at the brush of Todd's fingers. She didn't remember him ever doing something like that before, not when they were around the others. He'd never touched her hand or put his arm around her the way he did now, the most physical interaction they'd ever had in public had been in the arena. True, what had happened just then had been under the cover of the table, but still. It was different, but in the best way of course.

She caught his fingers long enough to give them a light squeeze before letting go again and turning back to her meal. It was still difficult to eat, the process requiring actual thought, but it had been made easier that afternoon by the presence of the others. She'd even managed to eat a bit more than her previous meals with Todd. There was still a long way to go yet before she'd be back to normal, of course, but it was a start.

It was hard for him to say why he was being so...affectionate. Perhaps by touching her occasionally it was a reminder she was actually there. Also he supposed it helped ground her as well, to keep her from disappearing into her own mind.

After dinner, they headed back to his chambers. They'd jumped into hyperspace not long ago so the room was bathed in blue light. No stars tonight, but, as he'd elaborated, they wouldn't be in hyperspace for long.

Undressing down to his pants, he went to an unopened panel and, at the bottom, pulled out a familiar volume.

Climbing into bed with Rogue he said, "I never finished it." he said. It was the Count of Monte Cristo. A little worn at the corners, but the bookmark was where he'd left it all those years ago.

He was right that those little touches helped to keep her in the here and now; it had always been that way for her when things had gotten bad. And of course she didn't mind it in the slightest - she rather liked having those little affectionate gestures, and she'd be more than a little pleased if they ended up sticking around.

Rogue undressed as well, but down to her undershirt and panties since her new pants were still on the stiff side. They weren't the same as her old comfortable pajamas, but all of it was better than what she'd had before, and that was the degree to which everything was measured now.

When he pulled out that book and brought it over, the bookmark still in place, she couldn't stop the tears from flooding in. Pressing a hand to her mouth, she tried desperately to hold it all back, but it was just too much. Every little sign that he hadn't forgotten her, that he'd been waiting for her to come back, was too much to bear.

"I'm so-sorry," she stuttered out between broken breaths, bowing her head to try to hide her moment of weakness. "I'm so glad you k-kept it."

Todd was taken aback a bit by her outburst of tears but didn't tell her to knock it off or the like. He settled into bed beside her. "Indeed, I'd like to know how it ends."

Time was different for wraith, and while, yes, six years was a long while, it was a drop in the bucket for one such as he. Still, after his imprisonment by the Genii, and the fact what remained of his crew had not given up hope of finding him, such had passed onto him.

Rogue meant a lot to him. And while, no, he didn't take out the book every once in awhile to remember, he hadn't given up hope either that one day she'd return, so he'd kept that she'd left behind as it was.

Tugging the covers up, he opened the book up once she was comfortable and started to read.

She didn't cry for very long; there was an ebb and flow to her emotions that she worried would someday come to be irritating for him, but she would try hard not to let it get that far.

Curling up next to him, listening to him read the story she had so loved and wanted to share with him, she found a spark of hope that she could maybe get back to where she had been before. That one day in the not so distant future, she could be Rogue again, strong and independent, whole and sane. With Todd's help, it might just be possible.

Eventually, she started to drift off, the day catching up with her. She shifted once, twice, trying to keep herself awake to hear more of the story, to have this moment between them for a little while longer.

If she were some spoiled brat who'd had her favorite toy broken, her crying might get on his nerves. But she was by far not, she'd been through a lot, and humans reacted differently than wraith to such circumstances.

As he felt her drifting off, Todd closed the book, set it aside, and touched the knob that shut the lights, leaving them only in the blue glow. He got up briefly to toss his pants aside before rejoining her.

Laying on his back with his arm around her, Todd closed his eyes, though waited until he sensed she'd fallen asleep before allowing himself to do the same.

Snuggled up beside Todd, it was easy to give in to sleep, falling into it almost immediately once he was settled beside her again. She slept deeply, but only for a few hours before she woke just as quickly as she'd fallen asleep. Another abrupt waking, but at least there hadn't been any screams yet - though she was sure they would come.

She slid away from Todd, sitting up and dangling her legs over the side of the bed while she covered her face with her hands. Slow, deep breaths to calm her racing heart.

Todd stirred when she jolted awake and then sat up when she moved away from him. When he slept beside Victoria there was little disturbance, it would be some time before he got used to Rogue's periodic wakings, if ever. Preferably not, as he thought it best he should be awake for her during these dark moments.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked before caressing her back and moving closer.

Rogue felt him move behind her, recognized his wonderful voice and the care in those words, but still - she couldn't help the way she flinched away from his touch on her back. It wasn't personal, she knew he would never hurt her, but the memories of the people who had were so fresh in her mind that it was hard to separate the two.

"I'm just not used to sleeping for very long," she explained, turning slightly toward him but not actually looking back. There wasn't a lie in the explanation, but it wasn't all there was to it either.

Todd didn't shy away, in fact he moved closer to sit beside her, stroking her hair behind an ear to try and get her to look at him.

Rogue had never viewed him as a predator. Someone...something to be feared or flighty around. And while, no, it wasn't the same, he had little else to compare it to. Feeling her avoid him like this was not a step he liked. He had to ensure she didn't curl up on herself, especially after waking as she had.

"Come on, talk to me." he said "If you don't, whatever is eating away at you is just going to continue to do so" he pointed out.

Having him so close to her was both wonderful and painful. She wanted so desperately to lean into him, be wrapped up in his arms in the hopes of chasing away those terrible memories. But she also wanted to run away and hide from everything, including her favorite wraith.

The only manageable compromise was to stay right where she, no closer to or no farther from him. Still she didn't look at him.

"I dreamt about when they did this to me," she told him in a hushed voice, reaching up to set a hand on her shoulder, indicating the healing scars on her back. "Every time they did it."

The hand on her back resumed its slow massaging.

"Let it pass" he rumbled. "Remember they can't hurt you again."

He wondered if suggesting she imagine them in pain was a good idea or not...Worked for him when getting through the worst days with the Genii. Only difference was he made his vision come true, feeding upon them until they were shriveled, making their companions watch them die the worst death imaginable...

However, Rogue couldn't seek revenge even if she wanted to. No use getting her hopes up.

Todd continued to touch her back a moment before sliding his hand up her shirt to rest it against the middle of her back, hoping the skin-on-skin contact would help.

"Come back back to me Rogue. You've already started to heal, don't let them continue to occupy your conscious mind."

It was good that he didn't suggest such a thing. Nothing good would have come of Rogue imagining anyone in pain, let alone the people who had done those things to her. It wasn't in her nature to seek revenge, to hurt other people, and trying even just to imagine it would have taken her down a very dark path.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and let it slowly, the sound of the exhale shaking as she tried to get her nerves under control. "I'm trying," she admitted in a voice so quiet it was almost a whisper. "I know they can't hurt me anymore, I do. I'm trying to get past it."

Another breath before she turned more fully, finally looking at him, meeting those strange and beautiful eyes that she'd missed so desperately while gone, even when she'd thought him nothing more than a figment of her imagination. The eye contact didn't last long, though - she pulled away again, standing and running her hands through her hair. She needed to move, to do something other than sit there and try not to cry.

"I need to...," she started, then shook her head. "I think I'm gonna go make some tea."

Just two vampires, traveling the galaxy... [For Todd the Wraith]

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Sry for delay, busy week

No worries! Same here. I usually just poke in case DW ate notifs.