She rinsed the soap from her skin before handing the sponge back to him, thinking over his words as she wet her hair. It needed washing far more than anything else had, the smell of medicine and disinfectant clinging to the strands like some twisted perfume.
Subduing her power. Was that really something she could do? She didn't deserve to be able to touch him again, to have that level of comfort after everything she'd done, all the lives she had taken. But not having control over her power would be dangerous for him. With all the experimentation done to her over the years, her powers were unpredictable now, at times spiking even worse than they had in the past dependent on her emotional state. If she didn't regain the level of control she'd had before, there was no way she could allow herself to be close to Todd or the crew again, and certainly not the queen, and that thought made her heartsick. And despite her own dark thoughts, the psyches of her loved ones, of Remy and Erik and Logan and Charles, they all protested that line of thinking, urging her to accept comfort and aid and live her life to the best of her ability.
If only it were that easy to listen to them.
Instead of addressing that particular matter, she went back to something else he'd said. "My back will heal on its own, it'll just take time," she said softly, her gaze falling to the inside of her left arm and the inked numbers there. "And I need to keep this. I need to remember what happened, because no one else will." She was a survivor of an atrocity, and she couldn't run away from that.
She couldn't run away from this either, though. Sighing, she hesitantly added, "As for my powers... Maybe in a few days. I was on a lot of medication until recently, and I had to be sedated on Atlantis. A few more days will help make sure it's all out of my system."
no subject
Subduing her power. Was that really something she could do? She didn't deserve to be able to touch him again, to have that level of comfort after everything she'd done, all the lives she had taken. But not having control over her power would be dangerous for him. With all the experimentation done to her over the years, her powers were unpredictable now, at times spiking even worse than they had in the past dependent on her emotional state. If she didn't regain the level of control she'd had before, there was no way she could allow herself to be close to Todd or the crew again, and certainly not the queen, and that thought made her heartsick. And despite her own dark thoughts, the psyches of her loved ones, of Remy and Erik and Logan and Charles, they all protested that line of thinking, urging her to accept comfort and aid and live her life to the best of her ability.
If only it were that easy to listen to them.
Instead of addressing that particular matter, she went back to something else he'd said. "My back will heal on its own, it'll just take time," she said softly, her gaze falling to the inside of her left arm and the inked numbers there. "And I need to keep this. I need to remember what happened, because no one else will." She was a survivor of an atrocity, and she couldn't run away from that.
She couldn't run away from this either, though. Sighing, she hesitantly added, "As for my powers... Maybe in a few days. I was on a lot of medication until recently, and I had to be sedated on Atlantis. A few more days will help make sure it's all out of my system."