His expression was... extremely telling and terrifying. What had she done? She'd told him to be honest and open, and she had ruined it. Steve was too kind a man to outright think she was a freak, but her life certainly was, and she'd just dumped all of it on him in one afternoon to make herself feel better. What had she been thinking? Her body slowly tensed as she watched him, taking in every little change on his face, and then he admitted how he was feeling and her heart broke.
She shouldn't have said that. She shouldn't have told him that she could still talk to them, that they were whole people locked up inside her mind. It should have stayed a secret forever, it wouldn't have been so very hard to hide that fact, but... Damn it, why was nothing ever easy in her life? She wanted to be honest with him, and she wanted to be honest about them - they were the reason she'd survived that lab, they deserved at least that much recognition.
But what did Steve deserved? A normal girl, for starters. One who wouldn't break down crying once a week, wake up screaming in the night, hear voices chattering away all the time. He deserved to be with someone who hadn't killed hundreds of innocent people. She'd been so selfish in telling him, in wanting to have one person in this whole world truly know her - she was a monster, an abomination who didn't deserve happiness, just like she'd been told by so very many people.
The cavalry was circling in her head, Remy and Erik and Logan, rushing in to try to stop her self-destruct sequence just as they had for all those years, but she shoved them back, feeling guilty about... everything. About hurting them, about putting Steve through all of this. She wasn't a normal girl, she should accept that and stop this stupid dream of having a normal life with a good man. Her happy life had been taken from her and monsters didn't get second chances.
"I'm sorry," she finally squeezed out when he looked at her, so close and yet a world away. Her voice was quiet, tight, splintering into pieces just like every other part of her. "I shouldn't have told you, it's too much for anyone, you shouldn't have had to-- You don't have to stay. I know you won't tell anyone about me, I trust you, but you don't have to stay." Her breath was hitching and the words were barely making it out in one piece. She wanted to run away and hide, her flight instinct so strong that it hurt. Not that she noticed much; everything hurt at that moment, and there was no way she could keep any of the pain and fear off her face.
She didn't want to lose him, but she couldn't keep him. Steve Rogers deserved so much better than the likes of her.
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She shouldn't have said that. She shouldn't have told him that she could still talk to them, that they were whole people locked up inside her mind. It should have stayed a secret forever, it wouldn't have been so very hard to hide that fact, but... Damn it, why was nothing ever easy in her life? She wanted to be honest with him, and she wanted to be honest about them - they were the reason she'd survived that lab, they deserved at least that much recognition.
But what did Steve deserved? A normal girl, for starters. One who wouldn't break down crying once a week, wake up screaming in the night, hear voices chattering away all the time. He deserved to be with someone who hadn't killed hundreds of innocent people. She'd been so selfish in telling him, in wanting to have one person in this whole world truly know her - she was a monster, an abomination who didn't deserve happiness, just like she'd been told by so very many people.
The cavalry was circling in her head, Remy and Erik and Logan, rushing in to try to stop her self-destruct sequence just as they had for all those years, but she shoved them back, feeling guilty about... everything. About hurting them, about putting Steve through all of this. She wasn't a normal girl, she should accept that and stop this stupid dream of having a normal life with a good man. Her happy life had been taken from her and monsters didn't get second chances.
"I'm sorry," she finally squeezed out when he looked at her, so close and yet a world away. Her voice was quiet, tight, splintering into pieces just like every other part of her. "I shouldn't have told you, it's too much for anyone, you shouldn't have had to-- You don't have to stay. I know you won't tell anyone about me, I trust you, but you don't have to stay." Her breath was hitching and the words were barely making it out in one piece. She wanted to run away and hide, her flight instinct so strong that it hurt. Not that she noticed much; everything hurt at that moment, and there was no way she could keep any of the pain and fear off her face.
She didn't want to lose him, but she couldn't keep him. Steve Rogers deserved so much better than the likes of her.